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The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations
This podcast focuses on surviving life after a suicide loss, an experience that can be devastating and leave you feeling lost as you try to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart. The host, Melissa Bottorff-Arey, lost her 21-year-old son, Alex, to suicide on August 7, 2016, and brings (& often shares) her insights from her personal journey.
In each episode, Melissa engages in honest and challenging conversations with other survivors of loss, healers, and mental health experts. She also produces shorter solo episodes where she reflects on her own thoughts and experiences thus far. The podcast covers a wide range of relevant topics and addresses difficult questions. Melissa explores all aspects of grief, including trauma, hope, healing, self-care, legacy, and stigma. She believes that we learn to live alongside our grief rather than get ing over it. Actual change comes through authentic, meaningful connections and mindful choices.
For supporters or educators, these conversations provide valuable insights and shine a light on suicide and grief genuinely and unapologetically. Listeners who are grieving a suicide loss can find comfort in the community and hope for a better tomorrow. Melissa aims to help others, like herself, transition from merely surviving to discovering a life filled with meaning and, potentially, even happiness amid the leftover pieces around you.
[Please NOTE: This podcast is for only relational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It candidly and openly discusses sensitive and sometimes activating topics. There will be no in-depth or graphic descriptions of the method, but merely the possible mention of suicide, murder, rape, and the like. Be guided and care for yourself accordingly. Also, Melissa is not a doctor or licensed therapist, and nothing on this podcast should be taken in place of, or as, medical/mental health advice or recommendations.]
The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations
The Military, 1st Responders & Suicide; 2X Loss Survivor & Marine Widow Speaks Up
Today, I welcome Bobbi Smith. At 22, this brave young woman is actually a two-time loss survivor. She actually first lost her best friend AND then, a few years later, her husband to suicide, yet the hope in her voice is inspirational. She is wise beyond her years - that happens after trauma, but she is not shrinking away from the very raw & complex parts of her experiences -- she is standing up & drawing attention to them.
"Her best friend since childhood, Racelyn, died on Feb. 20, 2018, at just 16 years old. While she felt the support of family & adults in her life, Bobbi's world was completely rocked. She even ended up completing her schooling online due to the bully-like, insensitive behavior of her peers after Racelyn died.
Bobbi met Quentin through Racelyn; they were online friends for years! After Racelyn passed, they became closer after Quentin contacted her over social media to offer support and say he'd always be there to talk. It turned out he was, and their connection grew.
After a road trip to visit Bobbi in October 2020, he asked her to be his girlfriend, and they married in December 2021. At the time, Quentin was a Marine stationed at Camp Pendleton from 2018 to 2022. Quentin Reed Smith was a 0331 Machine Gunner (Infantryman) in the United States Marines. He served one deployment to Japan. When he left the military, he was an E-4 corporal.
He died from suicide by firearm in their backyard on Aug. 14, 2023, only 4 months short of turning 24, and he had only been out of the military for 9 months."
You will hear us discuss many of the things listed above, but also:
- What was different the day he died...or was anything?
- Hear her describe (what sounds to me like) how his 'brain broke' in the moments before he died as she witnessed (audibly) his break...but having no understanding of the cause...part of the unanswered 'whys' many of us have.
- The detrimental "figure it out & hold your own" attitude toward mental health care while enlisted is a contributing factor to military & vet suicides.
- Why does she blame the military and their lack of support [for his death]- including but not limited to the fact that they do such a poor job reacclimating soldiers back into civilian life once they get out.
- The dehumanization she (& her family) felt at the hands of first responders.
- Fear & ignorance - what she believes would help or could be done differently (for soldiers) & through it all - how (she thinks) we can all make a difference by just saying their names...and more!
THANK YOU for listening to this episode. It means so much to us!
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My WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.
PS....The FIRST SESSION of the Legacy Writing Project in 2024 is under way BUT you can get on the wait list for the August 7 group NOW!!
For a way to leave a Legacy of your child - GO HERE
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CALL 988 OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA