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The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations
You have found a podcast about surviving life after a suicide loss, which is nothing short of devastating, leaving you not knowing how to begin picking up the leftover pieces of your shattered heart. The host, Melissa Bottorff-Arey, who lost her 21-year-old son Alex to suicide on August 7, 2016, speaks to this from her own experiences. You will hear her have honest, hard conversations with other loss survivors, healers, and mental health experts on the podcast. She also produces shorter, solo episodes where she shares her own thoughts & experiences in this journey (thus far). She explores relevant topics and asks the hard questions. Nothing is 'off limit' as she delves into all areas of this grief, such as trauma, hope, healing, self-care, legacy & stigma. Melissa believes we learn to live alongside our grief, not get over it. We can make a difference only through authentic, meaningful connections and mindful choices. For a supporter or educator, these conversations hold nuggets of awareness and shine a spotlight on suicide and grief honestly and unapologetically. As a suicide loss griever, one can find the comfort of a community and hope for a little brighter tomorrow. Melissa wants to help others, like herself, go from surviving to finding a life with meaning, maybe even happiness, amid their own leftover pieces.
[Please NOTE: This podcast is for only relational, informational, and entertainment purposes. It candidly and openly discusses sensitive and sometimes activating topics. There will be no in-depth or graphic descriptions of the method, but merely the possible mention of suicide, murder, rape, and the like. Be guided and care for yourself accordingly. Also, Melissa is not a doctor or licensed therapist, and nothing on this podcast should be taken in place of, or as, medical/mental health advice or recommendations.]
The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations
The Military, 1st Responders & Suicide; 2X Loss Survivor & Marine Widow Speaks Up
Today, I welcome Bobbi Smith. At 22, this brave young woman is actually a two-time loss survivor. She actually first lost her best friend AND then, a few years later, her husband to suicide, yet the hope in her voice is inspirational. She is wise beyond her years - that happens after trauma, but she is not shrinking away from the very raw & complex parts of her experiences -- she is standing up & drawing attention to them.
"Her best friend since childhood, Racelyn, died on Feb. 20, 2018, at just 16 years old. While she felt the support of family & adults in her life, Bobbi's world was completely rocked. She even ended up completing her schooling online due to the bully-like, insensitive behavior of her peers after Racelyn died.
Bobbi met Quentin through Racelyn; they were online friends for years! After Racelyn passed, they became closer after Quentin contacted her over social media to offer support and say he'd always be there to talk. It turned out he was, and their connection grew.
After a road trip to visit Bobbi in October 2020, he asked her to be his girlfriend, and they married in December 2021. At the time, Quentin was a Marine stationed at Camp Pendleton from 2018 to 2022. Quentin Reed Smith was a 0331 Machine Gunner (Infantryman) in the United States Marines. He served one deployment to Japan. When he left the military, he was an E-4 corporal.
He died from suicide by firearm in their backyard on Aug. 14, 2023, only 4 months short of turning 24, and he had only been out of the military for 9 months."
You will hear us discuss many of the things listed above, but also:
- What was different the day he died...or was anything?
- Hear her describe (what sounds to me like) how his 'brain broke' in the moments before he died as she witnessed (audibly) his break...but having no understanding of the cause...part of the unanswered 'whys' many of us have.
- The detrimental "figure it out & hold your own" attitude toward mental health care while enlisted is a contributing factor to military & vet suicides.
- Why does she blame the military and their lack of support [for his death]- including but not limited to the fact that they do such a poor job reacclimating soldiers back into civilian life once they get out.
- The dehumanization she (& her family) felt at the hands of first responders.
- Fear & ignorance - what she believes would help or could be done differently (for soldiers) & through it all - how (she thinks) we can all make a difference by just saying their names...and more!
THANK YOU for listening to this episode. It means so much to us!
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My WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.
PS....The FIRST SESSION of the Legacy Writing Project in 2024 is under way BUT you can get on the wait list for the August 7 group NOW!!
For a way to leave a Legacy of your child - GO HERE
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